Im Kimsuor's Profeel

I was born as a last child in the family. I had five older brothers and a sister You would say that seven children in one family were generally too many to glow. However, in Cambodia, my motherland,seven children in one family is not so big of a size at all. My father was a merchant and owned an apartment complex. My family life was just medium in Cambodia. I started to take the Cambodian traditional dance class through my third elder brother's recommendation. He was a professor and taught at the National Fine Arts University in the city of Phnom Penh, capital of Cambodia.There was a dancing course offered at this Fine Arts University where they accept some talented children who just graduated from primary school. In order to perform the traditional dance, the dancers need to have soft joint in their fingers and legs in order to be able to bend to some specific basic form.
So practicing this dance at early age is needed since the joints of a child are still soft and flexible.

I was very much interested in this traditional dance. So the moment my third elder brother asked me if I was interested, I answered him 'yes' right away. At school, we learned general subjects for half a day, and traditional dance the other half. When my dancing practice was considered good enough, I was invited to perform at various events such as welcome to some distinguished foreign country representatives.
Later, I had the chance to perform in TV program. There was only one TV channel in Cambodia at that time. So my parents were so proud of me to be able to see their daughter's face on TV while performing for the national audience. In 1970, I had a good opportunity to travel to Japan to perform the dance at the International Exposition in Osaka, as I was selected as one of the members of the Cambodian dancing group. It was the good chance to introduce our culture, our traditional dance to the people all over the world. Among twenty school friends, I was one of them to perform on stage in the Exposition Hall.
First, my parents were uneasy as I began taking the dancing class, but later, as my progess improved and I was able to show them my talents on several opportunities, they understood that my dream I was aiming should be fulfilled. So they became at ease and gentle to me from then on.

Actually, the Cambodian dance and play course which I took in my youth at the National of Fine Arts University was influenced from KYOGEKI-- a Chinese traditional play. Our school Princinpal decided to send ten talented students to master it from KYOGEKI School in Taipei. I was happy to be selected as one of them, and had the chance to come study the dance in Taipei for one academic year under the Cambodian government expenses. In December, 1973, all my family and my sweetheart came to see me off at the airport.
As the final call to board the flight was announced, I remember saying to them with smile, "Please do not cry, I shall be back in one year!" At that time I never realized that trip caused my life to drift far away from my family and my love to separate me from them for so long until now. In Taiwan, we usually got up at 5:30 AM in the morning and started KYOGEKI class at 6:00 AM. We learned the fundamentals of Chinese play, button play and songs practicing. We ate meals in school dormitory.
Taiwanese like to eat Tofu made of beans. Their custom is different from Cambodians'. So it took me several months to get used to it. Except such minor adjustment, I would say that my school life in Taiwain went very well. Sometimes, my family would send me some of my favorite food in a parcel, including a love letter too! Well a year went by fast, our Cambodian group leader thought that several more things needed to be mastered at KYOGEKI school.
So we consulted with the school teacher and got our stay to extend for another year. Frankly, I was not happy at all about this extension. Nevertheless, school life offered me great time, my Chinese language study had improved. Well, except that I enjoyed spending almost all my scholarship fund. I had no idea how to save at all.
The life in France L fouvd a very tiny,old and cheap apartment.However it was hard to get job to eat a whitewing.I couldn't speak Frence well and do not have any relative here,there was no choice to work for better terms but physical labor.Getting up 6 am,I had to catch the first train to work for.It was hard time for me.Living in confort with my family in Cambodia and spending the scolorship in Taiwan,such a life in Paris,especially getting up early is hard for me.I still remember dark and cold especially in winter that made me sad.But I was not to be beaten. I have a mind not to be beaten easily from I was born.Farther more I had a pride of the youbg Cambodian dancer,of a artist.
After long I found the job of the maid in some famous hotel in Paris.The wages is only 900 Fran(40000 Yen at that time).I had to pay 20000 Yen for rhe fee for apartment,15000 Yen last for the food. To save the money for food I went to language school to study French.To live in France,speaking French is first step for mme.The money was going to a few,Iused to eat instant noodle imported from Japan to save money.Of course I couldn't afford to pay for fashion.I was eighteen at that time,so that I hoped to wear good looking clothes and made up to be beautifle. And I wanted to go somewhere to get fun with my friends.I felt gelows to find the rich Cambodian chiidren for the same age as well as me.
They live in Paris and go to school to study as they like.They could go to vacation at summur with their family.I hated Christmas and New years day.I had to spend alone during those terms,so I felt lonlyness on my mind.I used to pretend not to feel any lonly.But I was deadly lonly and reme! mber the family in my hometown.Some of maids were French,but others were many black African from French colonial countries and white people as a refuge from Poland. Everybody spent hard life.But we talked joking each other.We were good friends to share the hard time in France for the minolity.I decided to live do any kind of hard jobs to eat in France far away from my country. I realized this is real life.The sweet days I passed had been finished,I talked by myself.
Cambodian dancing activities and a letter from Cambodia I spent such hard time everyday in Paris. However I was proud of myself as a artist.In someday I wanted to live to play the Cambodian traditional dance.So that I kept on practicing to play the traditional dance however I had hard time.Every Sunday I went to the place to practice the dance with my friends, teach the dance and practice to pray the dorama.Fortunately every Cambodian members who studied at Taiwan art school moved to Paris and play dancing acticities still that time. For everybody had ther own job,practice had to do on Sunday.
Once a year we rent the big theater in Paris and play Cambodian traditional dancing and classical play there.Not only the Cambodian in Paris but the French came to see it.Some Cambodian had tears without conciosness.To hear from the Cambodian,we could keep in touch with Cambodian culture at Paris far from Cambodia and felt ---- very much over and over I found that I was right to keep on playing dancing.I played not only at Paris but also at London secveral time.Around 1980 Cambodian from the Thai camp are going to increase.Some of them wanted to study dancing and play dorama in our group. And some principal whose public prinaly school had a los Cambodian desires children offered me to play the dance to see and study their own cultural roots.I started to go to school for parttime teacher to teach them the Cambodian traditional dance.


One day one of ou member passed me a letter from Cambodia and said "It is yours."I was r! eally supprised ro see it.Because it was from my brother in Cambodia.It was the first letter drom Cambodia since I transfered to Paris in 1975 after the civil war in Cambodia.The letter is started like this"This is 20th letter I tried to send.I'm looking for my sister named Im KImsour who used to study National univercity in Cambodia.If there is someone who knows her,please contuct us."Reading it,I felt ----.
He did not where I was.He tried to write to Cambodian living avroad as much as he could know.I could not see what wrote in the letter.Probably many friend through Cambodian dancing activities,caused me happiness.If I didn't act the Cambodian play,I could not contact with my family still now.While I spend hard life work to eat and play the dancing,I never forgot my family. Its letter's address had changed used to be.I want to know what had happened my family and why they had moved.I replayed soon to him.And I got the letter from my brother,wrote that my parents and sister w! ere safe.I was -------- to find that.But I was shocked to know the grandmother, 4 brothers and 30 relatives had been killed while Pol Pot conguest term in Cambodia. To Japan

So I tried to talked other Japanese to join our dancing group.Every chance I gathered the volunteer,in the result we had 10 member.For the first time there was no place to practice the dance,we played in my apartment.Due to the member'sown schedule,sometime I visited to teach each other to do private lesson.Because I realised Japanese life was too hard to share the time regularlly.I devoted myself to be known my own country.Every member study earnest,they couldplay enough in front of the audience for just 1 year.So we joined as much as we could local public events like Bazar to support desire.In the result of those activities we found to have chance to make the people know Cambodian culture.And the place for practice had moved from my aprtment to high school. The letter from family I made chance to cook Cambodian food to study and teach how to cook for getting to know Cambodian culture much more.I supported cooking is one of most important culture for the nation.And also I got the opportunity to teach Cambodian language by happy chance to the Japanese who work for NGO.Of course ,Cambodian is my mother tongue.However I had no chance to teach it for foreigner.I tried to find some good Cambodian textbook easy ti learn for them. But there was not it.So I made the original print made by myself,and to get to know many things about Cambodia,I met the professor majored in Asian language.
In the result of it,the lesson is going to better and I have confidence to teach it. I sent the letter that I moved to Japan with my husband.However I could not get reply for a long time. Everyday I checked the postbox whether it come or not.And finally I got the letter from Cambodia.I was so glad to get it that I run into my neighborhood's house to report its voming without opening it. Arived at my neiborhood to show them the picture from the letter and I said with smilling "This is from my family.They send a lot of photoes."The moment Isaw those photoes,I came to burst into tears.These show a sight of my father's funeral ceremony. I deadly want to go back to Cambodia.The long winded civil war made me not to enter Cambodia. I was really sad not to visit the grave of my father who loved me very much. To Cambodia After several years from my father's death,the united nation's peace keeping organization including some Japanese defence army and volanteer helped to complete general election.
The peace in Cambodia came back.I came back to Cambodia after 19 years absence.My mother was old enough,but seemed to be fine.We spoke a lot of things piled up for a long time.I was shocked to hear the misery story in the term of Pol Poto conquest.Almost of half family member had been killed.I had heard it from the letter.To be told from my mother directly ,I realized the fear and sadness which our family had felt in the past.On the other hand I remember the long terms while I had to live by myself in foreign countries not to see the family at a glance.I supposed why such a sadness had happened,who cause it.
My hart was filled with intolerable anger and sadness. Phonom Phen City-used to be said "Small Paris"had changed incredibly.There were many homeless and the theaves and the trafic is very dangerous.The house which I was born had disappeared.The unknown people lived there.Many friends I studyed with at National Art school had been killed.Someone who sarvived play dance to eat for the tourist at National Museam.
I supposed their dance is real art paformance.I felt deeply disappointment. I visited Ankor Wat and the other temples around it.It was 22 years after since I visited there.It was one of most remains that Cambodian are proud of for all over the world.It was bilt around 12 century. All Cambodian's heart always existed Ankor Wat's view.However the civil war made it a horrible ruin land to look at.I could not stand to see it and was a deep grief.In the meantime my departure's day was coming.
I would not show to my friend the scene like a tear jerkered soap opera,I did say "bye-bye"and left my house.BUt my mother never left my arm to grip hard and saw me with her eyes filled with tears.She seemed that I would not come back again after leave.I told her "don't worry.The time when the peace in Cambodia came back , I am sure to come back often."Bye-By my mother, sister,every family in Cambodia! The war Cambodia started again for the democratic and peaceful country with the assistance from many countries including Japanese PKO.Although Pol Poto party's garira activities still remains for the political problem in Cambodia,personaly I suppose it si going to be stable and almost safe. If I had not experienced the civil war in Cambodia,my life would have been so common as well as others. And father more, my brother would have been still alive , my father would have lived much longer,my friends would have not been killed. I spend every day peaceful life in Japan,so I feel safe everytime.Remembering many Cambodian had been killed,I always hope in my mind such a meaningless war to waste many people's life,should not happen again!